Numb

I don't know where this feeling(or lack thereof) comes from because I don't ask for it. It is as if my heart knows when something is going to try to hurt it and it just shuts down. This wall comes down and I block everything out.

I don't know if you have ever just not felt anything at all but I really feel emotionless right now. It is really a scary feeling because I don't think that I can control it. Maybe if I can consciously quit holding back to protect myself I can unconsciously let go too.

I really have created a hard exterior for myself and I think I am just starting to realize how good of a job I did with it.

Not feeling anything sucks! I would rather feel what's is going on right now than stare blankly and watch it happening.

When you can't feel from your heart you can't speak from your heart so I'm guessing my "emotions".

Did I mention how unfocused I am? It's been getting worse as the months go on, unfocused in school and in my relationship with God. Both had gotten waaay better at one point and now I feel like I'm back at square one again. I can hardly concentrate on anything-even typing this post is giving me trouble (granted it is 3:26am).