Trust and stuff...

What do you do when you find out that what you thought of someone just is not true? Many times I have had to deal with less than comfortable situations with people who were disappointed because I turned out to be something different than what they expected.

It is not abnormal to form judgments in your mind about what type of person someone is. We even go as far as to imagine what people would do in certain situations, what kinds of things they can handle and so on. But what do you do or how do you feel when that person lets you down?

I suppose that it is some sort of compliment for one to not think that I am capable of hurting them. I guess it would be a bigger problem if they thought that I was the insensitive b*$#%@ that I can be.

...sigh...idk

I was just sitting here and thinking about some people that I have hurt. People will disappoint you, there is no getting around it. Last year I decided that people were just bad. Their cores were selfish, self centered, over ambitious and ruthless. I saw the people around me and myself doing things "behind closed doors" that I could not believe they were capable of. It made me decide there is no way if these "nice people" can do these things that everyone is not doing them or at least capable of doing them.

I decided last year not to trust anyone, not even myself, because people are out to gain what they want and step on anyone who gets in the way--and who was I to think that I was any different? Nope. Can't be trusted, no one.

So here I am a year later and I feel foolish for making myself think like that. It has strained relationships that I have with people but on the other hand it has kept me watchful and abreast of some shady-ness. I don't want to have "trust issues". When I first realized that I had them I wanted to cry, "I'm not supposed to be that girl !"

We all know "that girl". The one who is always questioning motives, always watching her back, doesn't have any real close friends, listens in on phone calls, jumps to conclusions, checks her bf's cellphone...
I never wanted to be her...yet here I am.

"My name is Shannon and I have trust issues"